The birth of grandchildren is a much-celebrated event. The adoring grandparents indulge in many delightful moments contemplating the terms of endearment they will eventually be called by their adorable grandchildren. Some of the more mainstream choices are grandma and grandpa, bubby and zaide or saba and savta. Of course, there are multiple variations on these themes, depending on tradition or personal preference. Despite the planning and possible friendly debate that goes into making these decisions, the people whose opinions are not taken into account are the grandchildren themselves. This is unfortunate since they ultimately make the decision.
When my children were born, my parents decided to go the straight and narrow with grandma and grandpa. Apparently all three of my children missed the memo. The variations that ensued were “Geema and Geepa”, “grammagranpa” – a single phrase that was used to refer to both of them without differentiating by gender, and finally “momop” and “bopop”. No one really knows where that came from. Now this is not to say that they did not understand the terms “Grandma” and “Grandpa.” How do I know this? Well, one year during Chanukah, my sister, Claire, came to visit with her daughter Maddie, who was about three years old. My son, who was only a little older, went over to his aunt with a perplexed look on his face. Pointing at his grandparents, he asked my sister “Why does Maddie keep calling them grandma and grandpa?” So much for understanding the theory of relativity.
Now some children develop a more sophisticated, albeit incorrect, understanding of their relationship to their grandparents. One of my friends’ in-laws live in California so it is a rare and much celebrated event when they come to visit. Because she truly wants them to enjoy their time when they come, she puts in a lot of effort to make sure their stay is comfortable. Therefore, prior to their arrival, she calls friends and neighbors to ask them for recipes and ideas that her in-laws might enjoy. After their most recent visit, I saw my friends’ 4-year-old daughter. Not knowing how they refer to their grandparents, I simply asked her, “Did you have special visitors for Pesach?” Looking up at me with a big smile on her face, she exclaimed, “Yes, my in-laws came to visit.”
Clearly, children can be easily swayed by what they hear and have no compunctions about calling family members by other names. This was again brought to my attention by my sister, who called me the day after her visit. Really, she called to complain because her daughter was now calling her “Aunt Claire”, instead of her preferred name, mommy. Although I did offer some advice, I found this highly amusing. That is until the fateful day when I picked up my own daughter from daycare and was greeted with a hearty, “Hello, Morah Rutie.” Although Morah Rutie is a wonderful person, I couldn’t help but feel a little insulted. But I decided to be the bigger person and take the sisterly advice I had given my sister when she was in this predicament. I decided to be patient. I overlooked it when my daughter said, “thank you Morah Rutie” after I gave her dinner and I shuddered quietly when she said, “Morah Rutie, can you read me a story.” The number of “Morah Ruties” that were uttered only strengthened my resolve to become a better mother. Also, I knew things would be back to normal in the morning. This short-lived fantasy was shattered when I woke my little cutie pie and the first words that popped out of her mouth were, “Boker tov Morah Rutie.” That’s when I knew it would be a long day.
Now, there are times when, much to your dismay, your children admire you for who you really are. Many years ago, after getting dressed up for to go to a wedding, I came downstairs and sat down on the couch. My daughter rushed over to me, dug her cute little elbows into my knees and rested her head upon her hands. Gazing up at me in awe, she said, “When I grow up, I want to have a necklace and earrings just like you.” Before I could say anything, she continued, “When I grow up, I want to have makeup and a pretty dress just like you.” Without a missing a beat, she gave a big sigh and said in a wistful voice, “And when I grow up, I want to have a big nose just like you.” It was times like these that I wished I was still Morah Rutie.